Last week, I heard from M.K.Doc Downing who has written many articles about anger and repression.

He said many people know that releasing feelings WORKS, but they don’t know how or why.

According to Doc, there are several things which happen when feelings are repressed:

* Physical or conversion symptoms, such as headaches, stomach aches, neck aches, high blood pressure, etc.

* Emotional symptoms such as nightmares, night sweats, paranoia, anxiety, etc.

* Acting out, such as punching holes in the wall, throwing dishes, domestic abuse, child and elder abuse, getting pregnant, slamming the door, etc.

* Verbal expression of feelings which can be done in two ways — indirectly and directly. The indirect expression of anger works like putting fire out with gasoline. The direct expression of anger is much easier to listen to and tends to bring people together.

M.K. Doc Downing is a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and can be reached at www.MKDocDowning.net

Last week, I spent time at Girls Inc. conducting a workshop on “Looking On The Bright Side — or Making Lemonade From Lemons”.

We talked about ways in which we can turn negative situations into positive ones and exchanged stories about how we’d done this at various times in our lives.

Since the Screaming Pillow came about as a result of a tragic event, I wanted these young women to understand that I empathized with their circumstances and that there are tools to use which can make a bad situation better.

Like the starfish on the beach (”it makes a difference to that one…”), we can all make a difference every minute of every day. Whether it’s smiling at someone instead of complaining, offering a helping hand, reaching out to someone in need, donating your used stuff to people less fortunate….the gesture doesn’t have to be huge; just a token with the message that you care.

As I put together this workshop, I reached out to people around the world who shared stories with me about how THEY had turned their lemons into lemonade and I heard many wonderful tales from far and wide. Whether it was a layoff which resulted in a new business idea or an illness that had opened up new opportunites, there were so many diverse stories that warmed my heart.

I’d love to hear more of these stories so please email me with YOUR tale of turning lemons into lemonade and I’ll publish some of them on my website. Send your story to me at info@brightsidegrp.com

As I was driving through the small town where I live yesterday, I couldn’t help but smile as I saw neighbors putting up garlands, stores stringing lights and people decorating their lawns for the holidays.

It’s that time of year when everyone brings out their best dresses and festoons their homes with decorations and I always find it heart-warming to see how we dress up for the holidays.

It’s an interesting phenomenon since the first Christmas was celebrated simply and without any hoopla, in a desert filled with sand and palm trees.

But, whether you celebrate the birth of Christ, the Festival of Lights or the coming of Santa (or any other occasion), there’s a crisp sparkle of festivity in the air and it seems the bright side is the only side that’s visible

When I married my husband, I discovered that his family traditions were even more festive than mine and now get caught up in a whole lot of new ways to celebrate the season.

Around the middle of December he starts by baking Christmas cookies. But this is not your normal Christmas cookie baking session. He bakes many, many dozen! Then we gather round the table with his daughters and a handful of neighbors and friends to paint and decorate the piles of confectionary with glitter and frosting.

A few days before Christmas, we pile into the car and drive around the neighborhood delivering them to the homes of our friends, who eagerly anticipate this annual holiday visit.

He has also collected dozens of ornaments over the years. But there are no store-bought ornaments in this home – they are all memories of a significant time in his life, most of which are handmade by his mother to commemorate a special occasion.

There’s the miniature photo frame ornament with a photo of everyone at their 60th anniversary. And the one made from ribbon candy (which she always had on her dresser– and was teased about for years). And there’s the miniature musical instrument attached to an angel as a memory of her husband (my father-in-law) who died that year.

For me, living far from my own family, these touches are wonderful and unique and serve to bond us closer together at this time of the year.

So, as we move into the holiday season, my wish is that we might all make a special effort to connect with one another. Smile at the hassled driver who cuts you off. Help someone in need. Take a packet of cookies to the clerk in the post office. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Put a quarter in your neighbor’s meter. Do something small every day and not only will it warm the hearts of others; it will warm yours as well.

November 24, 2009

On this Thanksgiving eve, I wanted to share this verse. For those who are struggling. For those who are lost. For those who are seeking. For those who are challenged.
And for those who are living their lives, giving thanks every day for each small blessing that falls your way. Breathe. Smile at a stranger. Watch the sun set. Eat chocolate when you feel like it. And appreciate yourself for being unique.

BE THANKFUL

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

This morning, a distant friend sent me an email entitled “One Lady’s Thoughts” which contained some of those nice messages and insightful questions we often read ….”Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven’t thought about it”,… “How many women eat at home because their husband didn’t suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed?”… and then I read  a note on Twitter which said “Never leave without saying goodbye”.

Yes, I get these messages a lot and I’m sure you do, too. But once in a while they touch a special chord. I remember the times I said goodbye to people I loved, not so long ago…my sister, my mother-in-law…sometimes knowing it would be the last time and sometimes believing I had all the time in the world.

When something happens to shake your life, it generally gives you a different perspective on things — sunsets, the people around you, the laughter, the small things.

Since losing my mother-in-law last month, I have been very aware of the kindness of strangers and how people reached out to us in times of sorrow. There are some whom you’d expect to be gentle and kind, such as the wonderful hospice workers and people at the assisted living home, but there are also some lovely surprises.

When my husband’s car was giving him trouble and we needed to get it fixed in a hurry, the local mechanic fitted him in on a moment’s notice and had it ready by the end of the day. When we called business contacts to reschedule meetings, they sent cards and messages of caring. When we got together with family members, our connections were deeper and more meaningful.

So it is probably more than a coincidence that I came upon this poem this week which I wrote 10 years ago after losing my husband. It reflected upon the meaning of time and the appreciation of every moment….

SEEING

Have you ever seen a branch shaped like a pretzel?

Or noticed how moss dangles like angel hair from a tree?

Have you ever really watched the progress of a beetle

As it struggles along its path, falling topsy-turvy upside down, getting right back on its journey?

How often have you really stopped to look?

To notice how chips of seashell sparkle like silver in the sun.

To take a minute longer to watch the ocean

And notice the seals that blend in with the rocks

While everyone else scurries on past, giving a quick glance,

Taking a photo, buying a postcard, and on to the next lovely spot.

Have you ever watched a pelican as it swoops and soars over the waves

And followed its steady course into the sun until you can see it no longer?

Or listened to the sounds of life all around.

The waves smacking against the rocks, the soaring ocean sounds

The arfing of the seals, the squeal of the seagulls.

Everywhere there is a moment of life, happening every second.

The breeze, the sounds, the sights,that fill our days with

Pleasure and beauty and love.

Take a moment.

Take forever.

This weekend, the world lost an incredible woman.

Marion Catlin Yetter was my mother-in-law and she could have been a role model for anyone wanting to look on the bright side of life. She always saw the glass half full. She loved yellow roses and fluffy clouds. Lobster rolls and the ocean. Spending time with her family and taking care of anybody who was fortunate enough to cross her path. And she loved dessert – any size, shape or form.

As my husband recently described her, she was “”all at once a devout realist and hopeless romantic, and someone who also recognized the value of a bunch of daisies”.

She was goodness and light. A sky filled with stars. The life of every party. A woman who loved to laugh and to dress up in her finest clothes. A gentle, quirky spirit who had more energy than many half her age.

I remember the time she put her heated lavender neck pillow in the microwave and set it for 20 minutes so that it burst into flames. And the times we’d play Scrabble with her and she’d sound out the letters under her breath, sending us into hysterical laughter as she sounded like Gollum from “Lord of the Rings”.

I remember every Christmas, receiving hand-made ornaments that she’d tenderly create for every member of her family to commemorate an occasion. The home-made strawberry jam which sits in our fridge. The Easter lilies she’d send us every year. Her grasshopper pie, that was a signature dessert at every family gathering.

She always loved a party. A reason to get together with family, friends or strangers (which, in Marion’s case, really were “friends she still had to meet”). At our wedding, she flitted from person to person like a hummingbird, introducing herself to everyone and dancing with anyone who’d dance with her.

Even though she was only in my life for less than ten years, we had many conversations about life and love and I learned what a powerful force she had been in her younger years.

She was instrumental in bringing an orchestra to her small home town in Massachusetts and arranged dance parties for the community. She helped organize the establishment of volunteer service for one-day surgery at her local hospital and, last week, was awarded a 50-year pin as a volunteer for the Board of Organized Work.

And, through it all, she was always there whenever anyone needed her. She always asked about my family and wanted to know how things were going with the Screaming Pillow (which were created just in time for her to see them). She constantly put others’ needs ahead of her own.

She slipped from this world on Friday morning — eased from this world with the grace and dignity that defined her life. Painlessly, peacefully and surrounded by love.

As my husband and I looked at the full moon two nights after we lost her, we felt her touch as the shimmering light reflected in the ocean.

And I can’t help but think she’s out there, playing Scrabble with her beloved husband, Jake, whispering the letters “ A-E-H-I-M-O-M” , as she spells out the words “I AM HOME”.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller

After months of planning, scheming, researching, learning, hoping and dreaming, we’re finally going live with The Brightside Group and The Screaming Pillow!

Looking On The Bright Side is the vehicle – both for me and for you – to show that there are pearls among the dust, bright sides to every situation and people who light candles in the darkness.

While The Brightside Group is dedicated to Katy and Sven (see “The Story“), I want to take this opportunity to thank all the wonderful people who have contributed in making this dream a reality.

Firstly, to my mother, Colette Said, who was the inspiration for the Screaming Pillow. Without her creative and wacky imagination, there would probably never have been a product like this. Not only did she provide me with the idea, but she has been there every step of the way – from her little pad in Eastbourne – offering her opinions and thoughts on designs, inquiring about marketing and distribution, as well chatting across the world, (courtesy of  Skype) to keep abreast of my progress.

Colette Said and daughter, Gabrielle

My husband, Frank, has been a constant source of strength – from encouraging me to put together a business plan, brainstorming about PR ideas on our long walks through town and adding his very valuable two-cents worth in every area of the business — and my feline companion, Gracie, has been a constant physical presence, walking across the computer screen at the most opportune moments.

My wild and wonderful women friends in the TBD Group have been a great source of information, contacts, laughter, multiple bottles of wine and pounds of chocolate (as every girls’ group should be). Roberta (“networking queen”) Chadis, Donna Rice, Francie King, Paula Gaull and Peg Reny have all contributed something worthwhile through their PR and marketing expertise (in addition to their very worthwhile friendship).

A big hug to Suzie Weldon who has trodden many of these paths in her past and kept reassuring me that “it’s all product development” when things took longer and became more challenging than originally planned. I’ll never forget her asking me on a bright Tuesday morning “do you prefer vodka, gin or tequila” as we came upon yet more hurdle. And more hugs to the creative and kooky Katy Bratun who spent so much of her time sketching and coming up with designs and images for me.

Jay Duchin (of Duchin Productions) has provided fantastic and fun business ideas as well as introducing me to Jackie Moldau of Velocity Screenprint and Embroidery. Jackie and Rick both went way beyond the norm in customer service, working outside normal business hours and bending over backwards to help me in the midst of my first crisis.

When it comes to bending over backwards, Jack Jackson of OnMessage PR has been a gem as well as a good friend. And Susan Spencer who is now embarking on her one year teaching stint in Samsun, Turkey, has spent hours writing and rewriting copy, news releases and articles.

And when it comes to social media and out-of-the-box PR ideas, it doesn’t come much better than Bobbie Carlton, my social media guru, who’s great with tweeting and linking and lots of other virtual magic tricks.

As with every new business, there are so many people who participate in making it happen and it’s good to know you’re all out there when the shadows start to fall and Gracie’s the only one I can talk to.

As Victor Hugo said, “Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”

Or, in the words of Woody Allen, “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. “